Title: Making Things Right
Fandom: Smallville - Pairing:pre-Clex (Lex/Clark)
Rating: PG - Size: 5456
Type: short, drama, AU, fix-it
Warnings: none
Spoilers: mid-season three, Asylum.
Feedback: Comments, critiques, suggestions, etc, all welcome.
Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams. ;-) This story was written for free entertainment purposes only and may not be reproduced for profit or altered without permission.

Summary: After Lex comes back from Belle Reve, Clark can't forget. Lex has forgotten, but Clark remembers and it's tearing him apart.

Notes:
Set directly after Asylum, goes totally AU after that.

For

jakrar, who asked for "Clark sincerely apologizing for the whole Belle Reve thing (whether Lex accepts his apology or not)". I, um, did a bit more than just that part. ;p (As usual, going a bit overboard...) Hope you like! ^^

Re: the memory loss... As long as I'm fixing things... I'm also saying the treatment wiped out Lex's memory for three months, to somewhere mid-island point. It makes more sense than just a few weeks to exactly at the point where Lionel wanted them wiped, which is patently ridiculous. If an electroshock wiping memory can make any sort of sense anyhow ;p.

Making Things Right

"I hope you'll always be my friend." Lex drew Clark into a tight hug.

Clark's heart was breaking. He returned the hug, but couldn't at all think he deserved any sort of that sentiment. He dropped his head down on Lex's shoulder, closing his eyes in pain. Lex...

Some friend he was. He had failed Lex, failed Lana, failed his friends when they most needed him. Lana wouldn't see him, and Lex didn't remember. His fault. His fault that Lex didn't remember.

Lex started to pull out of the hug, but Clark clung for a moment longer. He didn't want to let go of Lex. He wanted to protect him. But he'd already failed in that.

"Clark?"

It was Lex's voice, Lex's touch. It was Lex... who didn't remember. Clark took several deep breaths and tried to let go.

When he finally drew back, Lex looked at him with that little half-quirk grin that didn't reach his eyes.

"The psychologists assure me that I'll be okay now, Clark. I know it can't be easy, to have a friend who's had a mental break-down." His eyes flicked away.

"Lex, you're my friend. Always. I just wish I could have..." Clark trailed off. Could have figured out that Lex was being drugged sooner, noticed something earlier, believed his friend, not let him be captured, rescued him sooner. Rescued him at all. Clark had failed at all of it. He had failed to be Lex's friend.

"They tell me there was nothing anybody could do. This wasn't the first time I've had a break-down, after all." Lex shrugged casually. It was a good front, but Clark could see the underlying tension in Lex.

Clark wanted to shout out that it wasn't Lex's fault, that he'd been drugged and electro-shocked, and all by the person who Lex should have trusted the most. How a father could betray a son was beyond Clark. He'd always thought Lex was exaggerating on how awful his father was. Yet Clark had seen it for himself; seen Lionel sitting at Lex's treatment bed, his son unconscious from the torture that Lionel had ordered.

Glancing around Lex's office, Clark looked for bugs. He hadn't found any yet, but he no longer believed they weren't there. Lex had convinced him. Too late. "Lex..." What was he supposed to say? To do? Lex didn't remember...

Lex forced a smile that didn't look anything like one. "How about some pool?"

"Sure." Clark sighed. It was still Lex. Maybe he couldn't have been there before, but he could be here now.

Back home, Clark stood in his loft window and stared blankly outside. His parents thought he was devastated over Lana. And he was. But Lana was alive and would recover. Lex... Lex had lost three months of his life because of Clark. It was, perhaps, a good thing that Lana was out of his life. Bad things happened to the people around Clark.

"I knew you'd come for me." Lex's gaze warm and delighted, happy as Clark broke his bonds.

Earlier, Lex, angry as he realized Clark wasn't going to rescue him, the accusation and hurt in those eyes even as he screamed and beat at Clark.

Lex, limp upon the bed, unconscious, his father whispering nauseating words of comfort to him.

"Forgive me, Lex," Clark whispered to the wind.

It wasn't enough. It wouldn't ever be enough.

It was another two weeks before he saw Lex again. Clark was used to seeing Lex everywhere -- running into him at the Talon, dropping by the castle, Lex dropping by the farm. But Lex hadn't been at the Talon nor the farm, and Clark was still uneasy about the castle. It was ridiculous of him to avoid the castle, but Clark knew he couldn't ever speak freely there ever again. It had stopped being a second refuge when it had betrayed Lex.

There was, however, still produce to deliver.

Clark greeted the cook cautiously, and gave him the box of fruits and vegetables. All organic, all grown at home. All picked by Clark and he'd sorted them out so that Lex had the best. Even though he didn't think Lex actually ate them. Lex just ordered them to help the Kents out.

Even after several minutes of hovering, and casual talk with the cook, Lex still didn't appear. Finally, Clark asked.

"Mr. Luthor is in the study. If you'd like to go to him..." The cook was giving Clark a funny look. Clark never usually asked, he just went in.

Taking a breath, Clark walked through the ghostly halls. Haunted with memories of him and Lex. Talking, laughing, enjoying each others' company. Some fights, some anger. Mostly, though, friendship. The town's most unusual friendship with the most unlikely pair.

Clark hovered on the edge of the entrance, watching Lex. Lex hadn't noticed him yet, intent on his computer. It was a familiar scene, one that Clark had come in on more times than he could count. Lex was serious about his business and poured himself into it. People thought farm work had long hours. That was nothing compared to what Lex worked. And look what he'd gotten for all of that; a town that didn't trust him, a father that betrayed him, and a friend who had failed him.

Lex looked up, his eyes startled. "Clark." For a moment, his eyes shone with the old light, the delighted look reserved for his friend. Then a shutter closed and there was only polite interest. "What can I do for you?"

Glancing around the room, Clark still didn't see any bugs. Still didn't mean they weren't there. He walked to Lex's desk even as Lex rose to meet him. The two looked at each other for a long moment. Clark tried on a grin, "Hi Lex."

Sadness filled Lex's eyes, though he tried to return the smile. "Clark," he said again. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah... You haven't been by, lately."

Lex blinked. "I haven't been...?"

"The farm. You used to drop by sometimes."

Looking away, Lex ran a hand over his head. "I wasn't sure if I was welcome."

"Lex..." Clark stepped closer.

His friend looked up, his open expression showing longing and a hope there within.

"You're always welcome, Lex. You know you are. You're my friend."

The longing stayed, though the hope was replaced with skepticism. "Am I?"

"Lex..."

"You haven't come by either."

"I'm here now."

Lex's lips twisted. "It's produce day." He closed his eyes and then drew a deep breath. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to take my bad mood out on you. I'm glad you're here."

Clark clenched his teeth. Lex was patching things up, as usual. They would only get so far on a fight and then Lex would smooth it over and take the blame so they could go back to being friends. But it never resolved anything. Clark wanted his friend back.

A flash of memory, Lex, shooting at him. Lex, staring at him with wide eyes... "I knew I hit you." Lex, grabbing him by the arms. "I haven't told anybody."

"What did I do to you?" Lex whispered, his voice scared like Clark had never heard it before.

"What?" Clark blinked back to the present. Lex had his hand outstreached to Clark, but clenched as if he'd pulled it back.

"The way you were looking at me. I did something. I did something I don't remember. God, Clark. Can you forgive me?" Lex's hand trembled.

"No!" Clark exploded. "You didn't---" Lex, shooting at him, a look of fury on his face. "Lex, it wasn't---" "I knew you'd come for me." Clark gulped. How could he tell Lex? Your father drugged you and your best friend didn't help you. He glanced around the room again. Still nothing, but Clark knew in his heart that Lionel would have his son watched. Probably still had Chloe watched. God, Clark hoped the farm wasn't bugged too. He'd become more paranoid than Lex had been when Lex was on drugs.

Lex turned and walked back to his desk. He rummaged in a drawer for a moment and then came back with a device. "This is an electronic surveillance sniffer. The light in the upper right will switch to red and blink if it detects any sort of device being used. Which is a problem when I've got the web cam on, but at least I know it works." The light was green.

Clark gaped at him. "How...?"

"I haven't forgotten Dad's little trick last year when I lost the bid. And you've done that searching thing now three times today and five times last time you were here." Lex wore a twisted grin. "I had these ordered through a friend of mine just to make sure dear Dad doesn't pull something like that again. It picks something up every couple of months or so, and I just dump the bug in the nearest glass of whiskey I can find."

It sounded like Lex. It *was* Lex. Just because Lex had lost three months of his memory didn't mean this wasn't him. Clark started to relax. But Lionel had still managed to slip the drugs in and buy off the staff, so it wasn't like no bugs meant it was safe. For that matter, "How do you know it wasn't something your dad slipped in that detects anything except his?"

Lex stared. "Clark, you're more paranoid than I am." He turned to the drink cabinet and missed Clark's full-body wince. "Even Dad isn't that bad."

A voice was screaming inside Clark's head, "Yes, he is! Yes, he is!" Without a thought in his head, Clark found himself by Lex's side, taking the decanter out of his hands and putting it firmly away. He shuddered to look at it. "Lex, drinking isn't the answer."

Lex blinked, stepping back to get some space between them. He laughed a little, "Clark, it's like drinking a soda. I just enjoy the taste. I don't drink enough to get drunk. Usually. Is that what I did? Did I... do something while drunk?" Lex had turned from his usual pale skinned color to a much whiter shade, and he looked at Clark, aghast.

For a moment, Clark stared. What could Lex think of himself doing that would be so bad... Never mind. It was Lex. Lex could probably imagine himself... Never mind. Clark sighed. "No, Lex. You didn't do anything while drunk.

"Look, Lex...." Clark hesitated. He moved closer to Lex and almost took Lex's hand but that would just be weird. He settled for reaching out and gripping his shoulder. "Lex. You didn't do anything. It's just... those months were important ones. I get that you don’t remember them. I do. But *I* remember them, and it's hard. It's hard that you don't. If you did..." If Lex remembered, none of this would have happened. If Lex remembered, Clark could have saved him. If Lex remembered, Clark wouldn't still be agonizing about his secret.

Lex's eyes softened, and he reached out and took Clark's other hand in both of his. "I didn't know. Well, of course I didn't. But no, I'm not the same person, am I? Clark, do you think that even without the memories, that we could start again?" Lex leaned a little up and kissed Clark.

One second. Two seconds. Three... There was warmth on his lips and a hand holding his and it was Lex and OHMYGOD what was happening? Clark reeled, mind completely gone. His body stood there, doing nothing. Lex is kissing me. LEX is kissing me.

The next thing Clark knew, Lex had dropped his hand and was backing off, a frightened expression on his face. "Oh God," Lex whispered. "That wasn't it either. Clark, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I thought... Oh fuck, I've completely ruined our friendship. Clark, I'm..." Lex hit the table and stopped, his eyes wide and scared.

"Um." Clark still wasn't processing very well. Lex had just kissed him. Clark put up a curious hand to his lips. He didn't actually remember what it was like; he'd been too stunned to absorb any of it. Which he regretted because, well, his first kiss with Lex and he didn't remember it? Was wrong. Wait, his *first* kiss with Lex? When did this turn into more kisses? Clark shook his head at his thoughts.

When Clark finally dragged his mind off the kiss and came back to Earth, he had to look around for Lex. Lex was at the far end of the room; as far as possible to be without leaving the room. He was staring out one of the little windows, his back to Clark.

Clark went up to him and hesitantly put a hand on Lex's shoulder.

Lex stiffened, but didn't move otherwise. He also didn't say anything.

"Look, Lex..." Clark glanced around again. "How sure are you that we're not being monitored? No internal security cameras? No staff who can hear, or see?"

The shoulder under Clark's hand moved up and down in a shrug. "I would have said I was absolutely sure, however, you're making me nervous." Lex's tone was forced light. "I don't have internal cameras in the castle except in special circumstances. There's too much..." Lex hesitated and didn't finish.

"Right." Clark couldn't help another look. "Lex, do you trust me?"

That got Lex to turn around. Funny; Clark had never noticed before, but Lex's eyes weren't blue. Or not pure blue. They were sort-of flaked blue, with bits of grey and other colors in there too.

"Clark," Lex said, like it was his whole world. He swallowed and shifted back into controlled Lex, settling himself and tilting his head in that way he did when most people would have set their chins. "Yes."

"Then... hold on. It'll be okay, I promise." Clark sent a brief prayer up and then grabbed Lex and ran. He dashed out of the castle, ran along the roads, slowed down at the bridge, and stopped on the river bank.

He stood there for a long moment, holding Lex, reluctant to let him go. Then Clark finally put Lex down. "You did hit me. Back then. You did hit me with your car." Clark gulped and looked up. The railing had long been replaced with new bars, but he could still pick out where it had been. He had thought he was dead, when the car had swerved towards him. He could still remember the look on the driver's face -- controlled panic that changed to horror as the driver saw him. Their eyes had met as the car hit.

There had been a little too much silence while Clark was remembering. He turned back to Lex.

Lex wasn't watching him, he was looking at the river. Here under the bridge, the water didn't move very fast, pooled out into a larger area and almost as quiet as a lake.

"Lex?" Clark's voice broke a bit.

"I'm glad," Lex replied, his own voice steady. "I'm glad that you are the way you are. If you weren't... I would have killed you."

Lex shifted his gaze until he met Clark's. "That's what you'd told me -- that's what I'm forgetting." He scrubbed a hand over his head. "What a thing to forget. And I can see why you didn't come back. I'm surprised you told me now." Lex laughed, not a happy sound. "An insane person with a tendency for delusions... and you trust me with *this*? You're the one who is insane."

With a sharp movement, Lex walked along the shore, away from Clark. Away from the road as well.

After a short pause while Clark processed this new reaction, he hurried to catch up.

"I wonder if I'm having another break-down. First I imagine the one thing that I've always wanted, but that didn't work out even in my dreams, and now I'm imagining the second-most. Did I ever even make it out of the asylum? Perhaps I'm still a patient at Belle Reve. Or on the island. I might never have made it off. Did I ever make it on? Maybe I'm dead instead, and this is purgatory."

Clark supposed he could have expected this. He hadn't exactly planned it out. He just... What was that Lex meant about the thing he most wanted? Hadn't worked out? The kiss? Clark gulped. He didn't want to think about that right now. And Lex was still going on.

Stopping suddenly, Clark took Lex by the arms and made him stop too. "Lex, enough! You are NOT insane."

Lex looked at him calmly, all his emotions seemingly striped away. "Because non-insane people always get sent to Belle Reve."

"Your dad fucking *drugged* you!" Clark yelled. "You're not insane."

A silence fell upon the riverbank, only the slight slap of the water against rock making a sound.

Lex turned that pale white color again and swayed, held up only by Clark's grip. "My dad...?"

Clark closed his eyes for the pain. The pain of back then, and the pain of now. "I don't know why. You didn't know why. It might have been because you and Chloe found out that your dad murdered his dad... but we don't know. Just... he was drugging your drinks. One of the staff. I finally forced him to admit it, but by then... it was too late. When you realized what was happening and came to me, you were already pretty far gone. Then there was Morgan Edge---"

"My dad's friend," Lex murmured, his gaze locked on Clark.

"Yeah." Clark debated about how much to dell about *that* and then skipped to the important part. "He tried to kill you, to run you down. You stood out in the road and shot him first... but the car was still coming at you. I jumped in-between and the car hit me instead."

Lex's eyes darted to Clark's waist and chest, his hand involuntarily raising up to touch Clark's chest before falling again. His mouth twitched up. "I take it the car lost."

Clark breathed a sigh of... it might have be relief, maybe not. "Yeah." He tried to grin at his friend, but he knew what came next.

"You couldn't have just pushed me out of the way?"

Clark blinked. And then blinked again. "That... never occurred to me." It did sound more logical. Maybe he'd wanted Lex to know. Maybe he was tired of lying to Lex, always lying. He'd chosen Lex that day, hadn't he? And yet... Clark closed his eyes, the memory of Lex shooting at him, the bullets hitting his chest. Clark clenched his fists. What was he doing now?

"And then?" Lex prompted when the silence had gone on too long. "What happened after the car. We obviously didn't succeed in foiling whatever my father was about."

Pain, sharp and clear and it was that day again. "I ran away," Clark admitted, biting the words out. "You saw me. Your dad's people were pulling up. I... you *saw* me. You saw the car, you saw the bullets..." Clark shut his eyes, feeling wetness around the edges. "I left you. I ran away." He let go of Lex's shoulders and fell down, kneeling on the river bank at the feet of his friend that he had abandoned and betrayed. His hands dug into the soil, a sob tearing through his body. "I left you."

After some time, Lex sat down next to him. Casually, as if he wasn't wearing a hundred dollar suit that was getting mud and dirt all over it. He picked up a rock, inspecting it for flatness and smoothness, then threw it out at the water and watched it skip by.

Dully, Clark followed the motion. He waited for the words of condemnation.

"There is a lot you're not telling me. Such as how Lana ended up in the hospital after I shoved her into a mad horse and left her to be trampled. I suspect it's related to that one sentence you let slip that I was 'pretty far gone'. Meaning for all intents and purposes, already insane, if artificially instead of naturally. I'm also not forgetting the look in your eyes earlier... I did something to you while insane and you just don't want to tell me about it." Lex's voice sharpened. "What did I say when you stopped the car from hitting me?"

Clark automatically responded to the command without thinking. "I knew it. I knew I hit you." The words, along with Lex's wild look that accompanied them, had burned into his mind.

Lex snorted and threw another rock. That one didn't skip but sank right away. Lex scowled and picked his next rock with more care. "Some thanks for rescuing me." He sighed. "Clark, I have a room."

As the silence stretched again, Clark undug his fingers out from the ground and he sat up, settling into more of a sitting position. There was still a pain in his chest, but it was easing. "I guess you don't mean one of the 75 rooms in the castle."

The corner of Lex's mouth twitched up. "No. Well, it is a room in the castle, though nobody has a key but me. Me and whoever took my keys while I was in the asylum. And I let Helen in there before I knew she was a murdering bitch..." Lex's face slipped down into grimness. "I should have never built the damn room. I wonder if Helen told Dad. Maybe *that* was what the plane was ... um..." Lex blinked a few times. "Maybe that's why Helen tried to kill me. Didn't have anything to do with old dear Dad. I really shouldn't ever have showed her that. Who the hell ended up with my keys?" Lex sighed and scrubbed his face, streaking mud all over.

Clark looked at him in a bit of wonder, slightly more intrigued by the muddy Lex than the mysterious room.

"Clark, the room is about you. Or me. Or you and me. Or everything weird around here. I could never make up my mind what it was. But it has as its centerpiece a computer model of the car accident that I had Nixon make based on the damage to the car, the rail, and the accident reports of the skid marks. The computer model shows the car slamming into you. It's on repeat and every single time you tell me there's nothing or that it's adrenaline or that I'm imagining things... I go to that room and I watch that damn simulation. And that's just the start of it."

His body needed more oxygen. ANY oxygen. But it hurt to breathe, Clark's lungs were frozen, he couldn't breathe. It was everything they'd feared. All of his dad's reasons why not to trust Lex. Especially since Nixon. Lex had... "You built a *room*?!"

If Clark could have moved, he would have run. No. God no. "I told you to get rid of the car and instead you built a room." Clark laughed, a hysterical edge as he bent over trying to breathe. Everything. Everything he'd ever done was for nothing because Lex had a room and God knew who had been in there, and how the hell had he ever thought Lex would do anything he asked him to do? Lex had built a room. Every single lie that Clark had ever told them. There, for the world to see. For Lex to obsess over. For... Clark sobbed, gulping in air suddenly as his lungs contracted. "Going to dissect me now?"

Lex flinched, the movement attracting Clark's attention and breaking him out of the cycle.

"Why the hell would you build a *room*!?" It was, if not his worst nightmare, pretty far up there. Ever since Lex had shown him the crumpled up car, every time Lex asked him a question...

With a wince, Lex let go of the stone he had been holding, blood streaking his palm where the edge of it had cut into him. "For my sanity. For my obsession. To have *something* to go back and look at whenever you would tell me nothing happened." Lex scrubbed his hand over his face. "God, Clark. When Dad told me I'd gone insane, I wasn't surprised. Ever since I got here, it had been coming.

"I hit you; I didn't hit you. My girlfriend was stalked by an invisible servant. My past follows me back from Metropolis. There was a secret experimental facility in the plant my father didn't tell me about. There's a spaceship flying around. I marry two woman who want to kill me. And all the time, every single damn time I ask you about something, it's "adrenaline" or my imagination or it's stupid to believe in aliens..." Lex's voice hitched. "You were my best friend. My best friend, Clark. Do you know how much I trust you? How much I wanted to believe you? Every time... every time, I said okay, and I believed you. And then I walked into that room and watched everything that you told me didn't happen."

Lex jerkily stood up and started walking rapidly along the river bank again. Clark scrambled up and followed him. "Lex..."

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up for a minute." The flash of Lex's anger showed the passion that he normally kept locked down, except when it broke free. "I hit you, and you bled. But I had shot you and you didn't. I was rescued so many times, so mysteriously. But you've got the survival skills of a gnat, despite your powers and okay, you're looking for surveillance cameras NOW -- but they were always there. I have blurs on tape at the museum. I have crumpled bullets. I have melted ones. I have a octagonal metal piece that keeps appearing and disappearing. I have..." Lex stopped and stood still. "I have a friend who tells me none of it ever happened."

Clark was caught between guilt and horror. Both feelings were equally powerful and he was trapped. All of that. Lex had *all* of that. He knew. He'd known... "You knew..."

"I didn't fucking *know* because you fucking always told me it *didn't happen*!" Lex turned and walked to Clark, slamming a fist into his chest and then wincing and pulling back to cradle his hand. He turned again while Clark was still standing shell-shocked, and kicked at a rock, with only a little more effect. "Do you want to know why I *don't* have surveillance at the castle? I used to. I used to, and then my guards started reporting abnormal blurs on the tape and you'd show up without your truck... I had them take it all down. Every camera, every surveillance, every damn thing there was. Because I was so fucking happy to see you that I didn't care you were lying to me. I didn't want to *know* you were lying to me. So I didn't."

Lex started to kick at the rock again and Clark finally moved to catch him. He held Lex from hurting himself and enfolded him in his arms.

"I'm sorry," Clark whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." How could he have ever have thought a secret was worth this much? To lose such a friendship over it? When it wasn't even a secret anymore. "Lex, I'm so sorry..." He couldn't ever make this right.

Inside Clark's arms, Lex stood stiffly, trembling from reaction, not settling into the embrace.

"Lex why didn't you ever *say* anything?"

Lex snorted. "I tried. Perhaps too subtly. But..." Suddenly, Lex capitulated, his arms coming up to hold Clark as well. "I didn't want to lose you," Lex said softly, all his former anger gone, replaced by a loneliness that was so tangible that Clark could *feel* it. "I didn't want to lose you," Lex said again, turning his head into Clark's chest and resting there.

Clark felt his heart break into a thousand little pieces. Everything that he'd been feeling for the last couple of months with Lex in the mental institution came crashing down on him. Clark had hovered on the sides, too frightened to come to him. Too frightened of *Lex*, the one person who would give up everything in the world for Clark. How could he have been that frightened of Lex?

When Clark had been on Red K in Metropolis, word had come that Lex was missing. He had almost gone out looking for him, except he was sure it was one of Lex's stunts, something to get an edge up on his father. As time went by, Clark had been less sure of that, and he'd started haunting the night clubs, looking for Lex. Stupid, but it was the only thing he'd thought of. Red Kryptonite, while freeing, didn't do much for his brain processing power. And then Lex had been reported dead. Even as Kal, Clark hadn't thought life was worth much anymore. He'd been waiting in Metropolis that whole time for Lex, to do as they'd promised the last time. Then to hear that Lex was dead...

Seeing Lex alive again was the greatest joy Clark had ever known. And it was something that Lex didn't even remember anymore. Lex's last memory was somewhere on the island. He didn't remember the hug they had shared or the celebratory dinner they'd had, or...

"Lex, I'm so glad you're alive. I'm glad that island was there to save you and that you were rescued and made your way back to us. I'm sorry I didn't stand up at your wedding as your best man. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't rescue you. I wish I'd told you sooner. But I'm really glad you're alive and you're my friend."

Lex made a soft sound that was something between a gasp and a whimper, and he burrowed closer inside Clark's arms.

Clark couldn't believe he hadn't realized it sooner, that that was one of the memories lost. He *knew* it, that Lex didn't remember anything from after the island... but it was such a precious memory to him, that he couldn't really comprehend Lex not having it.

As Clark stood there holding Lex, he felt a wave of protectiveness and possessiveness wash through him more powerful than anything he'd ever felt before. It reminded him vaguely, of the times he'd held Lana, but this was so much more... Clark remembered the kiss. Lex's kiss when he thought there had been a special memory between them. Could Lex want more? Some of the looks he gave Clark were rather suggestive... Clark had always dismissed the rumors. Lex gave those looks to *everybody*. But more than suggestive looks, there were the ones that reminded Clark of Chloe, the longing when she didn't hide it in time. He'd always put it down to Lex's need for a friend. But what if it was more? What did Clark think of this?

He didn't want to lose Lex again, Clark definitely knew that. He'd lost Lex twice, the second time through his own stupid fears. To lose Lex again... Clark held closely to his friend. He didn't ever want to think of that. Never again. He would always be there for Lex from now on.

How long they stood there like that, Clark didn't know. Eventually, though, they let go of each other. Clark's arms felt empty without Lex, and looking at Lex, he knew his friend felt the same way. He clenched his hands, trying to prevent himself from just going back and holding Lex again.

Lex smiled, "I'm glad you're my friend, Clark."

And there was still so much that hurt about that. Clark winced. "Lex, I have so much that you need to forgive me for. I haven't even told you yet about how I didn't get you out from Belle Reve. Or---"

Lex put a finger over Clark's mouth. His eyes glanced out over the river. "I think... we both have enough in our past. Maybe later. For now, how about if we go back to the castle and destroy the room?" He took his finger away.

Clark rather missed the finger on his lips. He remembered the feel of Lex's lips against his, and wondered. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, that sounds good." He held out his hand for Lex, and Lex came gladly to him.

Gathering Lex up in his arms, preparing to run back to the castle, Clark vowed to himself that he wouldn't waste this second chance. Whatever fears he might have, he'd tell Lex about, because secrets weren't worth it. Clark had Lex back in his life, and this time, he would keep him there.

End